Sunday, 20 January 2013

Role Reversal...Child to Parents & Vice Versa


When we are children, we rightly fully assume we have every right to trouble/harass our parents, to ask for the everything, to embarrass them, make them feel ashamed, etc etc. We feel they owe everything to us & by asking them, we are only helping them perform their responsibility.
We ask for clothes-even though we have so many & not bother to care for the price. We always complain of how they love our siblings more than they love us, not thinking that the sibling needs more care than us because we are independent.
Their strictness is seen as insanity. Their care is seen as invasion of privacy. Their morals & values  seen as if from 18th century. Their fear seen as weakness. Their undying love seen as...?
As kids, we threw up everywhere, in front of anyone. Yelled, cried, threw a tantrum ever so often. Our wish had to be obliged to...as a responsibility. Then, we do not realize that our tantrum is embarrassment for them. Very few parents can be strict & walk away from the child who is in the midst of "tantrum throwing session." Most parents oblige right then and there. Thus satisfying the need of the child and thereby giving him a free ticket, of how to get his desires full filled. So there we go, an easy road map for the child follow in future!!
It almost seems like a scene from the story where the protagonist is left free, all day, to cover as much land as he can. The catch being, he has to return till sunset. Prize: All the land he walked on will be his. As Human nature has it, the man walks & walks & returns only after sunset. So an opportunity lost.
As young infants/children, we might not know what is right/wrong & we behave as we like. On attaining maturity, we are able to distinguish between right and wrong deeds, performing kind and rude acts, making valid and invalid demands. But do we stop & change ourselves here? Not many do. Still wanting to behave like children & expecting parents to perform their responsibilities.
As time passes by, children become adults. To the outside world, they marry, have children of their own, change jobs till a nice salary satisfies them, get the fanciest cars, etc. Still expecting parents to perform their responsibilities, stay away from their (married) lives, not interfere in their decisions, etc.
Parents grow old too, you know. If we attain parenthood, can't they attain childhood? So what if they are in the Senior Citizen category, dil toh baccha hai jee!! Why can't the children understand the parents? Their needs? Why can't the children come out of their private lives & care for the parents? By showing some values & morals, the children can make parents feel proud of the up bringing they have received. Old age might bring in weakness, help can be given so they become fearless.
The same parents, when drool food, have bladder issues, act over confidently or make mistakes- it embarrasses their own children? WHY do we feel ashamed? As kids, we asked parents for money. After a few decades, if they ask us for money, so WHAT? They gave us time by preparing us for school functions, organized our birthday parties, shopped for us, helped us study. HOW difficult it is for us to sit with our parents, listen to them, their needs, their life stories. ALL they need is a human contact & who better than their own child?
Role reversal happens at every stage in life, at work, when employees become bosses, or in personal life when children become parents. So if the parent has become a child, why can't that be respected? Why can't we love our parents during their childhood...well second innings of childhood?

Mind Over Morals...Over Money


How do you know the difference between a young child using you for his needs or being innocent in asking for things?

When you give tuition to a young child, once he comes up & asks for Rs 30 for a party at school. From affluent families that we belong, where we believe strongly in helping the needy, especially who work for us, I obliged with the money. Soon thereafter, the student needed money to go on a school picnic. This time, the amount was close to Rs 600. The amount is not my area of concern. It really is Mind over Morals. Paying for the picnic was the least of all I could do for the child, because it was my way of helping the family. Having said that, was it becoming a routine for the child to request?  Does he think that all his wishes were to come true, through me…as if he had found his Genie. After speaking with the mother, I later learnt that she did not give the money in the hands of the child as she wanted to give it to the teacher herself. That’s fair, I thought. Good Values.

A few days later, the child says he wants to watch TV in my house, after his tuition. He wants a Video Game to play with. He wants the same biscuits that I eat (Ragi biscuits, seriously?) He even complains that his mother gave him only Rs 10 for his picnic, because of which he could not eat a desert after lunch. He however, got an ice cream before getting on the bus on his return.

Again, I say, it’s not a matter of money. Is it a quest for MORE?  It’s more about my mind wanting to develop the right morals in the young boy. Me giving him tuition helps him get better marks academically. It helps me become a better educator as well.

How does one say no to a child of 12 years? Your heart wants to give in, your mind thinks about the morals & money is no where in the picture. Is the kind deed being taken for granted? Is the good deed going to cost me? Cost me confusion, over & over, to choose between Mind / Morals… or Money!